Need a special bulb for your salt lamp, or a highly toxic sealant to save your bed pallets from wood borers? Head to a well-known building supply store with mixed reviews and erratic stock.
On account of all the developments going up around Hoedspruit (more on that another time), these kinds of stores are essentially an essential service. They also remind me of dating: it’s all very hit and miss.
But on this day at this particular store, I got lucky (NO, it’s not what you think!). I scored (shy) eye contact from three young assistants. They must have been preparing for a relay race because they passed me on to each other at a quite thrilling speed until I landed back at the original assistant who’d made (shy) eye contact.
Given his heritage and gender (I’m just going to say it: he was a lovely, young Afrikaans man), I was enthralled that he had heard of a salt lamp and said as much:
Later, as I paid for my items (toxic sealant out of stock), he admitted that he didn’t actually know what a salt lamp looked like. Using hand gestures that reminded me of a sculptor specializing in nudes, I gave the best description I could. He said he would Google it.
Requests for proof of residence have been the bane of my existence since I arrived in Hoedspruit. This is true for anyone who doesn’t own a property here (because who can afford one?!), or is “in between rental contracts”—the situation I found myself in earlier this year.
I was delighted to learn that the local municipality is unusually sensitive to this issue. I blocked out my day, postponed a lunch date with a friend, let my dad know where I’d be in case anyone got worried about my long absence, and headed to a certain municipal building tasked with uncertain municipal duties. There was no queue and the forms were pre-stamped! And because there was no one behind the counter, all I had to do was fill in my address and a quick feedback form (5 stars, obviously) and I was outta there.
I’d heard through the grapevine that a particular morning is “the best time to go”. Sceptical (if everyone knows it’s the best time to go, doesn’t everyone go then?!), I blocked out my day, postponed an appointment with my therapist, let my dad know where I’d be in case anyone got worried about my long absence, and headed over.
It’s very safe there too, especially when a Jo’burg-born gal like me (or Farm Watch) is around. One woman left her large, overflowing pleather handbag on the floor of the waiting area as she filled in her forms, completed her eye test in the room next door and chatted to the many people she bumped into.
I witnessed her naivety with alarm and watched her bag like a hawk, ready to leap like a bush baby and fight off thieves like a lioness on a kill. I needn’t have worried (though my aggression may be a concern): it went as quickly and smoothly as can be for both of us, and my faith in humanity and local government institutions was restored.
It gets an extraordinary amount of flack both online and in person, which has led the kinder members of our (online) community to request that we be nicer to the staff (in person).
Generally, my approach is to err on the side of kindness. I run a small business too, and I know that customers are always wrong (right?) and sometimes challenging. Also, I’ve never had a terrible experience with this company. There was just those three times that my parcel was logged as ‘delivered’, when it had in fact been delivered to their office and needed to be collected there—by me. It’s really not a problem now that I know not to panic if my expensive parcel has been ‘delivered’ but I don’t have it yet.
The lesson is to continue to use the company (because let’s be honest, we don’t really have much choice) and to complain—BUT KINDLY PLEASE—when your glass oven top arrives shattered (true story).
Whether you’re fresh to Hoedspruit, just passing through, or have been here forever, the real charm of this town lies in its quirks. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to embrace the moment, find the humour and be amazed at how much better things turn out.
This article was originally published in the summer edition 2024 of Wild Getaways magazine. I’ll be writing the column, which is called ‘Hoedspruit Living’, for the foreseeable future, which makes me very, very happy! I also contribute to the wellness section—see, for example, this article on rest.
PHOTO: 5HP
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