love is like a spider

love is like a spider
it makes you jump
with a certain kind
of exhilaration
(an odd terror even)
that takes a while
to settle

a fascinating creature
all legs and tangles
full of tricks!
love when it lands
tends to unravel all
we knew we knew
(especially about love)

though a lack of love
can make it feel so
love is not
about being chosen
love is a choosing
of who i want to be
(with) (you)

love is knowing
your patterns
enough to understand them
(even when i cannot stand them!)
and finding ways
to thaw when frozen
so i can warm you

denial then
is the opposite of love
it has its place
(for a season)
but is a stage
of grief
for a reason

love is freedom
to be me
and you to be you
love is when my way
and your way
tug and tussle
to make a new way

love is being reliable
but not always leaning on you
love is the intimacy
only you and i will share
it is so close
but not so near
as to close us in

yes
love is the space
between us
that reflects light and air
a space spun long
before we met
that will keep us strong

no
love is not always easy
but should be mostly so
love is sometimes
letting you go
but not enough
to lose you entirely

love is celebration!
it is rapture!
and delight!
love can be quiet too
thank goodness
love is never
the silent treatment

love when it grows
builds an exquisite web
it is the threads
we have woven
that hold us all
gathered here
today

When my friend Ashleigh got down on one knee and asked me to read something at her and Grant’s wedding, I said “YES!”—and knew I would write something especially for them.

This felt like the truest wedding gift I could give, because words (along with the world of creatures) have always been my greatest love. I got a little stuck trying to write an essay on love that began to feel more and more clichéd and less and less like Grant or Ash (or me). And so I sat up very late one Sunday night (until 3 am), to write at a time when most of my kind are asleep.

This poem is what came along… like a spider.

The version I read on the day ended a little differently:

love when it grows
builds an exquisite web
it is the threads
you-ash-grant have woven
that hold us all
gathered here
today

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